what is it about "growing up" that makes it so desirable?  my whole life, i've wanted to be a grown-up.  maybe this comes from being the oldest child.  maybe it comes from being the oldest grandchild, and hanging out with adults for a lot of my life.  whatever the case, i've yearned for adulthood for a long time.

when i was 8, i thought that being baptized and finally becoming a member of the Church would brand me a grown-up.  nope.  i just felt cleaner and purer.

when i turned 12, and graduated from primary, and hung out with all the other 12-18 year old young women in my ward, i thought okay, now i'm a grown-up.  right?  wrong. i was just an awkard, chubby, pubescent adolescent.

when i turned 16 and got my driver's license and also a license to date, i thought for sure that i was grown-up.  nope.  i just got to run errands for my mom and take the car on occasion and go to school dances.

when i turned 18, and went to college, and became independent, there was no question in my mind that i was now "all grown up."  nah... college didn't necessarily make me "all grown-up."  it just made me have to make my own decisions and be 100% accountable for them.

now i'm working for a golf course/privately owned community as the secretary in the sales center.  i wear business clothes, answer the phone, get my own computer, direct prospective buyers to sales executives, and get smoothies in the mornings (like on the movies when they order everyone a coffee haha).  i kinda feel like a grown-up... or at least, i feel like i'm pretending to be a grown-up.

but now that adulthood is coming upon me, i've found that i don't really want it.  i want to go back to being a kid with no worries and no stress.  i went to school and learned about the alphabet and the colors, not the chemical weathering of the earth or when the romantic composers composed what.  i went outside and played without a care in the world.  i find myself yearning for those days of carefree fun.  sunburned face, tangled hair from the wind, laughing too loudly, playing too much.  when you reach a certain age, you're expected to act a certain way.  for me, it's now expected to go to work 5 days a week and be friendly and act... well, kinda like a grown-up.

but hey.. the past is behind us.  marjorie pay hinckley said, "the trick is to enjoy life.  don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."  or perhaps in my case, remembering the days of the past.  i am going to live in the moment and enjoy what i have.  adult or not, i have a wonderful life. 

and as president monson said, "the future is as bright as our faith."


Michelle said...

Does being 30 and married with a house and children make me a grown up? Because I still feel like I am pretending too. :) Jared and I often look at each other and wonder, are we really suposed to make these grown up decisions? Maybe learning is a better word for pretending, and that never stops. :) For what it is worth I think you are shaping up to be a pretty amazing "grown up". :)

Melina May said...

this is an AWESOME post.... my personal favorite part?? "when the romantic composers composed what" haha i may have laughed a little. i love you shay!