FAMILIARITY

Michael & I met in the summertime. We lived about 106 (we counted once) steps from each other's front door. We were both living with our best friends and were busy with summer jobs and school, but we spent almost every spare minute together!

*the first picture we ever took together*

I remember one night in June talking to my roommate/best friend about familiarity. Michael & I didn't quite have it yet. We did in some ways, but in others I was only beginning to learn about him, and he about me. My friend and I talked about how nice it must be to have familiarity with someone. Share absolutely everything. Tell secrets, and know they'll be kept. Feel their hand in yours. Talk about dreams & hopes. Know their wardrobe inside and out. Cry ugly tears. Laugh it out later. Confess the past, and forget it together.

In June, I wasn't sure what Michael & I would be in the future. I had high hopes that our relationship would continue to progress, and that I would feel that sense of familiarity with him. I hoped, and wondered, and waited. 

And time unfolded. 

Now, we have our little house together where we burn candles to cover up bad smells and dance in the kitchen and hang up our wedding pictures in whatever frames we can get our hands on and cry and complain and laugh and confide and sing and I truly, truly couldn't be happier. 

The familiarity is there. It's growing, and I'm sure it will still be growing 20 years from now. But it's here now in one way or another and I LOVE IT. 

WE NEED MORE LOVE

I love people. I love being around them, talking to them, watching them, learning from them, laughing with them, crying with them. There is a certain sense of belonging that I feel with people, because I believe that we are all children of God and that He loves us all equally. He is our Father. We are all members of His eternal family unit, white or black, male or female, rich or poor, gay or straight, young or old. The connection between all of us (simply as human beings) is very strong. Yet none of us love perfectly.

Lately there is a lot of social media discussion about this new release from the LDS Church. And when I say discussion, I mean arguments -- heated, nasty, hateful, bitter arguments that leave me shaking my head in disbelief that we all belong to the human race. Likewise, the recent terrorist attacks in Paris and throughout the Middle East have left me speechless and heartbroken. How, I ask you, HOW can there be so much hatred in the world?

I have debated about whether or not to write this, but decided to do it, not out of hatred or spite for others, but out of love. For everyone. I sincerely feel that way. We need a healthy dose of love if we are ever going to overcome so many evils that are happening around us.

I was raised in a conservative Mormon household. I was taught traditional values and accepted & embraced them. I was taught that God is my Father and loves me. It made sense to me as a child, and still makes sense now, that He loves all of His children. He doesn’t pick favorites and doesn’t discriminate. He wants us all to return to live with Him.

I so badly wish I knew how to solve all of the world's problems. My quiet corner of the internet probably won't affect many people; my opinions won't be broadcast or go viral. I doubt that I'll ever appear on national television, or tour the many nations of the world. I don't pretend to want to change the world in that way. I don't think I ever will. But perhaps I can make a quiet difference. That's all I've ever wanted to do. 

I think one answer to the many problems hitting us in the faces right now is simple: love.

We need more love for God. We need more love for His Son, Jesus Christ. We need more love for families and more love for each other. We need more love among neighbors and more love between rivals. We need love for our nation and love for other nations. We need love for those that are different from us, and love for those that are similar. We need more love when we think we can't give any more. We need love toward situations in which we disagree strongly. We need love for people that hate us. We need love for our parents and grandparents. We need love for those sacrificing for our freedoms. We need love for our children, and future children. We need love so desperately I can't even list all the ways it is needed.

I think love is only part of the solution to the complicated predicaments we are faced with in this world. But it's most definitely a start.

I'll start by thinking about how I can love more fully. How will you start?

ENGAGED: 3 THINGS I'VE LEARNED

Since Michael and I are getting married in 48 days {you guys. less than 50! WHAT. so exciting!}, we have been meeting with our bishop every week for advice. I have learned so much from these weekly meetings.

Being engaged is the best. I have never been so happy! And here you go. What good are learned lessons unless they are shared?  "Only the foolish learn from experience — the wise learn from the experience of others." {Romanian proverb}

1. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT US
I've heard several times, "Being engaged is so fun because you just get to focus on you guys!" After we got engaged, I fell into an "us" rut. I was so wrapped up in wedding plans and us and the dress and the venue and our relationship and our future that I spent little to no time thinking about other people. I'll be honest -- I'm still in the rut. I'm working on getting out now, but I know I'll still slip back into it. The important part is that I'm working on getting out. Bishop told us we need to make service a priority. The perfect marriage has three people included in the relationship: the man, the woman, and God. It's a curious paradox that we get closer to God and closer to our spouse by reaching out to other people.

2. TAKE TIME OUT FOR ME
Might seem like a contradiction to the first, but I have found the importance of taking time at the end of the day just to be by myself. It's important to have reflection time. My getting-ready-for-bed hygiene routine, journal, scriptures, and prayer have been special times for just me.  I think it helps me give more of myself to the relationship. It is important to know yourself before you can give you to someone else.

3. LOVE EVERY PART OF YOUR FIANCÉ
How many times have you heard, "love their weaknesses too"? I had heard it a lot but I didn't realize I would actually have to work at it. I assumed everything would be butterflies and rainbows and I would absolutely be able to overlook everything that wasn't perfect about the other person. Well, that's not actually the case. I realized this pretty quickly and then consciously made the decision to love his weaknesses too. Something magical happened. Or perhaps it was simply that charity entered into my heart. I can honestly say I love everything about Michael, his imperfections and all. I know he feels the same about me and it's so comforting to have found that.

I know I'm no expert on being engaged. But let's be real. Who is? We only do it once!

ALOHA

Now that summer's long over and fall is here, I wanted to post these to forever remember the summer of 2015. Hot sun, too much salt water {or is that even possible?}, crazy curls that were never brushed, a Thai food truck, frozen yogurt, laughing, shaved ice, family game night, Polynesian Cultural Center, multiple temple trips, delicious homemade food, gorgeous sunsets, deep talks, spearfishing, speaking Cantonese again, carefree barefoot walks, waking up at 5:30 to see the sunrise, naps, a flat tire. . .

It was the most perfect trip. The most perfect summer.

LOVE DEFINED

Right now I'm in a persuasive writing class. We've had to do an essay every week, and sometimes the topic is kind of obscure. Today's was, "What is art?"  Defining something like that is always hard, because it's so subjective. In one person's mind, art may be anything that embodies a feeling. Someone else believes art is anything that is created. Another person may see art in a completely different way.

It got me thinking, though, about how to define other things that may seem hard to define. Since I'm recently engaged, I've been thinking about how to define love.

Love is wonderful (in my own very small experience of loving someone -- I know I'm no expert). When you love someone, you care for them more than you care about yourself. Love is patient, and kind, and selfless. I have found myself caring more about Michael than I ever have about myself.  I want him to be happy. I want him to be healthy. I want him to do well. I feel joy when he succeeds. When he laughs, I feel like my heart is going to explode.

Love can also be terrifying. It's a scary thing to give yourself to someone; there are so many things that make up me, and I'm not proud of a lot of them. At first, I never wanted Michael to see my weaknesses and shortcomings, because I was afraid it would change his opinion of me. I wanted to be perfect in his eyes. But guess what? That's not what love is... at least, that's not what I think it is. Love is seeing and knowing the weaknesses, and looking past them to see someone's potential. Love is helping each other overcome mistakes and shortcomings. True love is extremely Christlike.

I will probably never love perfectly, at least not in this life. But I hope to continue learning about love with Michael. We are only beginning our journey of loving each other, but I am completely in awe of what I've learned in the past few months.

74 more days until forever begins. I can't wait.

FOURTEEN YEARS AGO TODAY

"Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?
Out in the yard with your wife and children, workin' on some stage in LA?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke rising against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger and fear for your neighbor or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones or pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble and sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white, and blue and the heroes who died just doing what they do?
Did you look up to Heaven for some kind of answer, and look at yourself and what really matters?

I'm just a singer of simple songs, I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I could tell you the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God and I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love...

Where were you when the world stopped turning, on that September day?"  --Alan Jackson

I was eight years old when 9/11 happened and changed the world's history. I remember that day in snapshots: small moments and memories that seem to be ingrained in my mind forever, like a camera roll. 

I remember the TV turned to the news and my mom crying. She wondered whether or not to send us to school. I saw smoke, two towers, and a lot of confusion. I didn't quite understand what was going on.

I remember going to school. Mrs. Smith was wearing a yellow shirt and olive green pants. She was also crying. I felt sad, but didn't really know why.

I remember Mr. Horner, the principal, telling us all over the intercom what had happened. When he was finished, Mrs. Smith cleared up any confusion we were feeling. I felt a reverent dread come over me. Reverence for the people who had died, and their families. Dread for what might happen in the future, and what had already happened.

I remember standing up to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and really feeling the power of the words for the first time that I could remember. 

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. 

In that moment, in my little eight-year-old mind, I felt so proud to be an American. I felt honor and respect and love for my country that represents so much. I felt, in the words of the song that we all know so well, that I would "proudly stand up next to you, and defend Her still today, 'cause there ain't no doubt I love this land. God bless the USA!" 

We are still one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. What makes it so special, I’m convinced, is the love that we have in our hearts for freedom, bravery, patriotism, loyalty, and every other good thing that we stand for. . . in America, and across the world.

Thank you to the men and women who died, and still die, fighting for our freedoms.

9/11 -- I will never forget. 

A NOVICE RUNNER'S THOUGHTS

I think when I started training for my marathon, I thought sure, a marathon. It'll be hard but it'll be awesome! 26.2 miles? Sheesh, I've run 13 before! Just 13 more, what's the big deal? 

I'm sure it's not news to anyone else, but running that far is, in fact, a very, very big deal.

Michael and I did 14 miles last Monday.  It was pouring rain, and almost the whole time I couldn't wipe a smile off my face.  (Not that you can tell from this picture.  I was trying to look fierce but it failed...) It's quite an accomplishment to say that my legs carried me that far.  My legs, my lungs, my heart, my arms...  they all carried me that far.  When we were done I felt like I could take on the world!  Anything I put my mind to! 

Yesterday I did 16.  SIXTEEN.  One-six.  S I X T E E N  M I L E S ! 

We finished the run (the last 5 of those 16 miles being absolute torture) and I was full of so much emotion that I just broke down and cried.  I was so utterly exhausted I couldn't even close my mouth to somewhat contain the sobs.  They just spilled out -- ugly, loud, panting, relief-filled, emotional, wrenching sobs.  I have never run that far in my entire life!  I wish I could capture the feeling in words.  Nothing quite describes that feeling of joy, pain, relief, and accomplishment.

Running is addicting because runner's high is real.  When I think about running that far again, I am half filled with dread, half filled with ecstatic, anxious excitement.  Our bodies and minds really are amazing.  Even though it's incredibly hard, WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.  We were meant to do hard things.  We were not meant to be couch potatoes.  We were meant to move, and fly, and run, and sing, and DO.

Here's to the next month and a half of marathon training!