4 OF 30

list 10 things you would tell your 16-year-old self if you could.

1.  get better grades.  they really do matter!  when senioritis kicks in senior year, fight through it and try to get straight A's.  it'll make life so much easier!

2.  don't fight with your parents so much.  listen to them -- they KNOW what they're talking about! 

3.  in just a year, you'll be loving the piano with all of your heart.  right now, keep on practicing.  practice more!  the piano is such a wonderful thing.  don't give your mom so much grief for wanting you to improve your talents.

4.  forgive more quickly.

5.  get a little more serious about cross country.  your senior year, you're not going to make state if you don't give it your all NOW.

6.  spend some more time at home.  your friends are wonderful, but your family is too and they want you to be home.  don't get so frustrated with your younger siblings.  they look up to you. 

7.  practice being patient.  this is a skill you'll need later in life.  patience with your friends, your parents, your sister when she wears your clothes or uses your makeup, your brothers when they are buggin' you, patience patience PATIENCE.

8.  don't spend your money like it's burning a hole in your pocket.  you don't realize how much everything costs.  you're gonna neeeeeeed money down the road.

9.  i know you love the advice "follow your heart" but you are a very, very passionate person.  you should probably follow your head a little bit more than your heart. 

10.  get a little more serious about the scriptures.  they truly are lifesavers.  they'll help you through some of the toughest times ahead.  make them a habit!

IN MEMORY

today was a hard day.

my sweet bishop and his wife passed away today in a car accident in provo canyon.  we went to a testimony meeting/memorial tonight at the church and i just bawled.  the questions kept running through my head:

why did this have to happen?  why did they have to die?  why? why? why?

i sat there with tears running down my cheeks and my head full of so many wonderful memories with the two of these wonderful people.  sister draper as a young women leader.  seeing her every single day at the library at the high school.  her huge smile.  her gentle voice.  her hugs.  her genuine concern for me.  bishop draper being made the bishop.  learning to love him.  shaking his hand and having my arm feel like it was going to be ripped off.  listening to his laugh.  soaking him with water guns (and getting way more soaked myself).  going into his office.  having the overwhelming feeling that he loves me and wants the best for me.  seeing his tears as he bore his testimony.

finally it dawned on me.  these two have a much more important mission.  and it isn't here on earth -- but in the spirit world, where they can be happy and rest from all their cares and sorrows.

i'm happy that they were able to go together.  i'll miss them and the example they set for me in my life, but i'm truly grateful for the knowledge i have that they live.

our Father in Heaven has a plan for us.  He knows what is best.  it was their time to go.

Bishop and Sister Draper, i love you.  <3

3 OF 30

describe your relationship with your parents.

hmm.. where to even start? 

my mom is my best friend, my confidante, my own personal chef, my laundress, my running partner, my nutritionist, my teacher, my parent.  she is an amazing person.  it seems like our relationship really started to grow when we started running together.  she showed (and continues to show!) the best example of how to keep your body healthy.  i love talking to my mom, whether it be across the bar in the kitchen, or lounging on her bed, or on the phone, or via text.  she always encourages me and loves me no matter what i've done.  i'll venture to say that we're both pretty stubborn, and the arguments we get into are stupid and petty. one of my favorite things about her lately is her compassion.  with all the tears and heartaches and struggles i've had, she is right there with me, crying with me or talking me through a problem.  i love that about her.  i was always one of those girls that said, "i'm so different than my mom" but as i grow, i see more and more of my mother in myself.  and i love it.  :)

my dad is my hero, my exemplar, my protector, my financial advisor, my school counselor, my P-90X partner, my encourager.  i loved going away to school and knowing that my dad was always a phone call away to help me with any problem i needed solved, whether it be school, or money, or friends, or roommates, or boys, or work, or whatever.  he's a pretty big goofball, and one of my favorite things about my dad is that we can tease each other.  i love making my dad laugh. :)  he is so thoughtful, always asking how i'm doing or what went on in my day.  his spirituality is amazing.  he leads our family in righteousness and i am so grateful for the example he has set for me and my siblings to follow.  someday i hope to marry someone a lot like my papa!

some people are closer to one parent than the other, but not me.  i've been fortunate enough to have two amazing people there to support, love, teach, and encourage me.  i love my parents!

2 OF 30

describe 5 legitamate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

uhh... yikes?

1.  pain.  i know, i know, what a silly, stupid thing to be afraid of.  and I'm not talking just like dying, burning in a fire, torturous kind of pain.  i'm talking like skinned knees and stubbed toes and slivers and blisters and ingrown toenails and broken bones and rug burn and cuts and bruises.  i HATE being in pain.  the thought of it terrifies me.  i can think of many times when i was younger, having my dad literally have to sit on me to get a sliver out of my foot.  i'd be screaming my head off like he was killing me.  (and after all these years, I wonder what our neighbors thought...)  naturally, because of this fear, I am NOT a daredevil.  at all.

2.  bees.  those stupid little fuzzy black and yellow buzzing creatures make me flip out.  i do not want to be stung by a bee.  i was once, when i was really little, and i hated it.  i guess it has to go along with me not liking pain.  a bee sting?  ouch.  not my thing.

3.  giving blood.  i think i was blessed so that i can't give blood.  we lived in england during the mad cow disease breakout (or whatever it was) so they'd prefer if I didn't.  which is a-ok with me!  it may be selfish.  i wholeheartedly admire those who will do it out of the kindness and goodness of their hearts.  i just can't do it.

(those are pathetic.  they are all pain related.  i'm such a baby.)

4.  being alone.  this is both the fear of being alone for too long, and also of being alone for my whole life.  i want to love and be loved.  i can't imagine a sadder life than living on your own, no connections to anyone, no friends.  i think i would rather die.

5.  having my siblings (or anyone i love, for that matter) fall away from the Church.  this gospel is such a beautiful, wonderful thing.  i have seen too many good people fall away and too many broken hearts.  it would be the hardest thing for me to handle, watching someone i love so much deny the happiness that i know they could have.  i know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and that Heavenly Father lives and loves me.  i want everyone to know that!

30 THINGS

i love reading kara and michelle's blog posts on this list of 30 things to write about yourself.  it helps me learn so much about both of them!  then when i saw michelle last night, and she told me to do it myself, i thought why not?!

(okay, except i'm skipping the first one, because i just recently did a post with random facts about me, and you guys know so much about me anyway.)

1.      List 30 random facts about yourself.

2.      Describe 5 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3.      Describe your relationship with your parents.

4.      List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

5.      What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

6.      What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

7.      What is your dream job, and why?

8.      What are 5 passions you have?

9.      List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

10.  Describe your most embarrassing moment.

11.  Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

12.  Describe a typical day in your current life.

13.  Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

14.  Describe 5 strengths you have.

15.  Share 10 fond memories from your childhood.

16.  What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

17.  What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

18.  What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

19.  If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

20.  Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

21.  If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it?

22.  Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

23.  List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

24.  Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

25.  If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

26.  What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

27.  What is your favorite part of your body and why?

28.  What is your love language?

29.  What do you think people misunderstand most about you?

30.  List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

KINDA LIKE A GROWN-UP

what is it about "growing up" that makes it so desirable?  my whole life, i've wanted to be a grown-up.  maybe this comes from being the oldest child.  maybe it comes from being the oldest grandchild, and hanging out with adults for a lot of my life.  whatever the case, i've yearned for adulthood for a long time.

when i was 8, i thought that being baptized and finally becoming a member of the Church would brand me a grown-up.  nope.  i just felt cleaner and purer.

when i turned 12, and graduated from primary, and hung out with all the other 12-18 year old young women in my ward, i thought okay, now i'm a grown-up.  right?  wrong. i was just an awkard, chubby, pubescent adolescent.

when i turned 16 and got my driver's license and also a license to date, i thought for sure that i was grown-up.  nope.  i just got to run errands for my mom and take the car on occasion and go to school dances.

when i turned 18, and went to college, and became independent, there was no question in my mind that i was now "all grown up."  nah... college didn't necessarily make me "all grown-up."  it just made me have to make my own decisions and be 100% accountable for them.

now i'm working for a golf course/privately owned community as the secretary in the sales center.  i wear business clothes, answer the phone, get my own computer, direct prospective buyers to sales executives, and get smoothies in the mornings (like on the movies when they order everyone a coffee haha).  i kinda feel like a grown-up... or at least, i feel like i'm pretending to be a grown-up.

but now that adulthood is coming upon me, i've found that i don't really want it.  i want to go back to being a kid with no worries and no stress.  i went to school and learned about the alphabet and the colors, not the chemical weathering of the earth or when the romantic composers composed what.  i went outside and played without a care in the world.  i find myself yearning for those days of carefree fun.  sunburned face, tangled hair from the wind, laughing too loudly, playing too much.  when you reach a certain age, you're expected to act a certain way.  for me, it's now expected to go to work 5 days a week and be friendly and act... well, kinda like a grown-up.

but hey.. the past is behind us.  marjorie pay hinckley said, "the trick is to enjoy life.  don't wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead."  or perhaps in my case, remembering the days of the past.  i am going to live in the moment and enjoy what i have.  adult or not, i have a wonderful life. 

and as president monson said, "the future is as bright as our faith."

HEY, HEBER

so long, provo.  i'm all moved home for the summer... back to good ol' heber, where

• the air smells like cows and skunks
• and you can actually see the stars at night
• and you can't step out of the house without seeing a billion people you know
• and the memories are around every corner. 

i'll miss provo, and my teeny apartment that quickly became my home

• and my bunk bed, with someone sleeping above me
• and the laundromat, where i have to haul my laundry each week that smelled like laundry detergent
• and my new friends that have taught me so much
• and my best friend, jewels the cool... gosh i miss her
• and BYU campus, where everyone is so friendly and yet you hardly ever see people you know
• and the library, with big chairs and tables and so many people bent over computers
• and my ward, with so many friendly faces there each week 
• and the city lights at night
• and so many things to do
• heck, i'll even miss the 20 minute walk to campus! 

but i'm back in heber, and ya know what?  i'm happy to be here! i'm starting my job at red ledges tomorrow, and although i'm super nervous, i'm excited for the new opportunity.  this is my home.  i love heber.  i've realized since being back how much i love the "country."  it's so pretty.  and i'll complain from time to time about seeing people i know EVERYTIME i go out of the house, but in reality... i love it.  i love this place.  home sweet home!